Ask the Plaid Buddha #1
Dear Plaid Buddha:
How do you get an ex to stop talking to you? If they say they have been depressed since you broke it off and you still care about them but you don’t want to further the relationship?
The easy answer is: stop talking to them. I know it sounds harsh, but your ex is most likely trying to keep this relationship going even though you have already left. When your ex says stuff like “I have been depressed since YOU broke it off,” they are both BLAMING you and NOT ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY for their own role in this now unsuccessful relationship.
My best advice is for you to tell them, in the kindest of ways, that this relationship is over and you are not the right person to talk with about their depression. It is ok to let them know that you care about them, but it would be better for them to get help from one of their trusted friends or advisors, or even seek professional help (counselor, etc).
Metaphysically speaking, all of our relationships can be viewed as energy bonds or connections. When we end a relationship we need to break that energy bond. It seems like your ex wants to keep that connection open, probably with the hope that you will “come back to them.” In reality all that is happening is that they are draining you of your energy and avoiding dealing with the actual end of the relationship. Breaking up means letting go and, even if they aren’t ready to or willing to let go of you and the possibility of the relationship, it is time for you to cut the cord. Try to do it nicely. If that doesn’t work, tell them you are taking a break from them and you might check back in a few months. Block their calls, don’t answer the phone and don’t reply to messages.
All this being said, it is possible to have a healthy relationship with an ex. But it has to be a new relationship (friendship and not romantic) and it has to be developed with a new set of expectations and understandings. In fact, one of my very good friends is the woman I broke up with so that I could start dating my now wife (of 28 years).
It is ok to care for an ex and let them go at the same time. And that is probably what you need to do.
Dan West is a retired Communication Studies professor and is now The Plaid Buddha, teaching mindfulness and metaphysics and providing advice about life, love and everything. He can be reached at https://www.everclear.com/danw
To have your question answered in one of his columns, please write to Dan at: The Plaid Buddha, PO Box 132, Union Furnace, OH 43158
