When Will He Come Back?/My Boyfriend Is A Bum/Celebrate Pride
Dear Plaid Buddha: My ex and me broke up about a year ago and he is currently with another woman and they are going to have a baby soon? When will we get back together? I still love him and can’t stop thinking about him.
Never.
He has moved on and you are the only person left in this relationship.
It’s ok to still have feelings or even “love” for an ex because nothing erases the memories we have of the good times we spent with other people. However, I am afraid you are hanging on to the hope of him coming back to you to avoid having to deal with the break up. You can’t heal and you can’t move on to someone else until you admit to yourself that HE is GONE and IT is OVER. Admitting that you are in a relationship with the MEMORY of who he was will help you to realize that this guy is NOT PART OF YOUR LIFE. He makes a choice every single day to NOT be your partner and he CHOOSES someone else.
You have a lot of love to give. Let go of the ex and find someone who loves you back as much as you love them. That is the relationship you really want.
Dear Plaid Buddha — What do I do if my boyfriend doesn’t go to college and always wants me to hang out with him but I’m busy with college and he’s just being a bum? I love him but I don’t want to be stuck, you know?
You have already answered your own questions when you said, “…I’m busy with college and he’s just being a bum.”
One of the hardest lessons about love and relationships that I had to learn was this: ALL relationships end/fail except for the last one. While that sounds harsh, it really means that relationships are a set of skills that we need to work on and develop. Looking back, my middle school romance was awkward and geeky, but at the time, I was IN LOVE…until I realized I wasn’t. She and I grew apart — just like you and your boyfriend are growing apart.
My best advice to you is for the two of you to have an honest conversation about what the next steps in your life are. It is ok for you to say that you want to fully immerse yourself in college and that at this point, he’s welcome to join you in the journey, wait for you to finish, or move on — no hard feelings.
Sometimes loving someone means saying, “Goodbye for now,” or sometimes just, “Goodbye.”
Good luck in college. The world has a LOT of experiences in store for you. I can’t wait to hear about your journey!
Dear Plaid Buddha: Why do some gay girls try to look like guys?
- None of your business.
- They like the way they look.
- They want to attract girls.
- Still none of your business.
- If you are not attracted to guys, this should be no problem for you.
Happy Pride Month. Consider going to some events or check out this website for more information: https://nationaltoday.com/pride-month/
Dan West is a retired Communication Studies professor and is now The Plaid Buddha, teaching mindfulness and metaphysics and providing advice about life, love and everything. He can be reached at https://www.everclear.com/danw
To have your question answered in one of his columns, please write to Dan at: The Plaid Buddha, PO Box 132, Union Furnace, OH 43158
